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10 Reasons Why I’m Not Your Girlfriend
Or why you shouldn’t want to date me
5 min readJul 23, 2021
- I fart. I can’t help it. I enjoy farting. I just let them rip whenever, wherever. Unless I’m shopping solo in a store and someone else is in the aisle. If no one’s in the aisle, I go for it. If I have my kids with me it’s a no-brainer, as I have someone to glare at with a disgusted look on my face right after I let one drop. That just reminded me of a store trip in which my youngest loudly said that he dropped the F-Bomb. He thought “F-Bomb” was a fart bomb. My other younger son will happily admit that he likes the smell of gas. He will say “both kinds” to clarify.
My favorite store fart story:
I was in high school, and shopping at Target with my mom and sister. My sister and I were in one aisle, and my mom two aisles over. Someone farted really loud, and my mom yelled across the store “Kristin! I heard that!” We started laughing and quickly checked the aisle between us and saw an older man laughing. - I’m indecisive. Unless I know what I want.
Sometimes I won’t know what I’m hungry for, and other times I will not settle for anything but Arby’s beef ‘n cheddar with curly fries and a “cup-o-cheese.” Yes, I will order it that way and laugh. The people at the drive-thru think I’m nuts. But try watching this video and not laughing when you say “cup-o-cheese.”
