Panic at the drive-thru

I’m in the process of learning and owing up more to my panic and anxiety issues. Also, my agoraphobia.

I’m hoping that naming this shit gives me some power or control over it. I know that’s unlikely. But certainly making fun of it will help. Right?

I’m also in a full-blown panic about going to see a knock-off Depeche Mode band tonight at a local venue. I don’t want to go. But, I desperately want to go. But, I want to find some way to get out of going. But, I paid $23 for a ticket already thinking that would force me to go. I still don’t want to go. But, I know I will possibly have fun once I get there. As long as I’ve had enough alcohol to put the panic to sleep. If I were going alone, I would have already talked myself out of it, cut the $23 loss, and I would be presently beating myself up about bailing on something I really wanted to do, and spend the night wallowing in self-pity, drinking and binge-watching whatever is next on my binge list (finished my most recent binge last night). But I’m going. I’m intruding on a friend’s plans with another friend. I feel a bit slimy about throwing myself in there. I’m making myself a third wheel, and not sure whether all parties will be happy about it. She also asked how much I planned on drinking.

Inviting myself to join a couple of friends is still better than going it alone. I have to start getting ready in…