Shoes

And the major meltdown one pair created Wednesday morning.

Kristin DeMarr
17 min readOct 9, 2023

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Photo by Paul Volkmer on Unsplash (These are pretty much identical to the pair of shoes that were the tipping point Wednesday morning).

To say that I’m having an existential crisis would probably be an understatement. To pretend like it hasn’t been consuming me for at least a year would be equally false.

This morning was boiling down to: taking a bike ride on the river trail to clear my head and think, or driving 45 miles to buy raffle tickets for a Queen of Hearts raffle at a bar and grille that is down to 6 cards with a jackpot of $192,000. They do their drawings on Wednesdays.

My thought stream Wednesday morning: I seriously checked Zillow last night for houses in the low 100s in preparation for winning. Hahahaha! I feel like I know which number the Queen is hiding in. I know the odds are slim that one of my tickets would be chosen. But there is a one in seven chance the number is right. Ultimately, I knew it would be a waste of time and money to go to the place to buy tickets. I also suspected that it would be crowded at the open, and I may have ended up stuck there for a while. I knew I shouldn’t go. But, I also felt like you just never know, and why not take a chance?? I will likely talk myself out of it because quiet reflection time is probably necessary, especially after this morning. Also, time is an issue. I have to be back in town by like 2 pm (to appear on a local live show promoting the Quad Cities Beer

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Kristin DeMarr

Single mom of 4 kids with exceptional needs. Trying to write and keep my shit together. Click to help support me! https://kristindemarr.medium.com/membership